A few weeks ago I received an email from someone claiming “I ruined her life.” This comment caused me to think about choices we make in our lives. First I have come to the conclusion everything is a choice except we don’t get to choose which choices we are responsible for and which ones we aren’t – we are responsible for all of our choices and whether we accept this responsibility is another choice.

Most people are unwilling to accept this conclusion, or put another way choose not to accept this conclusion. When I have shared this theory with others I am often challenged with a negative fact pattern that always ends with “I certainly didn’t make that choice” or "I had no choice" and while it might be true they did not choose the consequence or result, they did make the choices that the consequences or results flow from. In law this would be what is known as the “proximate cause.”

It is interesting that I am never challenged with a positive fact pattern, i.e. “well I definitely didn’t choose to be successful.” When it comes to choices we are always more than willing to choose to accept responsibility for our choices where consequences or results are positive but when they are negative we generally choose not to accept responsibility.

In fact it is even a choice whether to choose that a particular consequence or result is viewed as either negative or positive. Take for example the statement from that "I ruined her life." Without even making a factual determination as to the truth of the statement, the characterization that her life is ruined is another choice and taking it a step further if her life is truly ruined it was her choices that caused that consequence or result and again whether she is willing to take personal responsibility is another choice. If she chose to view her life as wonderful choosing to take personal responsibility would be a no brainer.